Do You Know...

...Little Girl, that I love you?

Lately, Evie, you have been asking me a lot of questions about newborns and mommies. Some of your questions are funny, some legitimate, some awkward, and some just plain sweet, but ultimately you are fascinated - filled with wonder and amazement. The other night after we watched Anabelle's newborn slide show together, you asked "Where is my newborn slide show?" and I thought to myself a stinging question "Well just where is your newborn slide show?" Your daddy and I had planned to buy a digital camera before you were born, but as I've been explaining to you, we were so surprised when you were born early, and so most of your newborn pictures were taken with a disposable camera and now reside in a book - your newborn book. So the other night after watching Annie's slide show, I got out your newborn book, and watched as you thumbed through asking for explanations on each page. We talked about your baby shower (that took place only 15 hours before you were born), we talked about the hospital, the nurse, the oxygen mask on my face, and then... the book skips ahead to tiny little you in a bed all by yourself. I know what the book is missing - pictures of you on a scale, pictures of me holding you, pictures of me kissing you - but I had no idea that you would know. You looked at me and asked "Mommy, where are the pictures of me in your bed?" I did everything that I could not to cry, and with my lip trembling I tried to explain to you that you couldn't - that I couldn't - that you had to go to a special part of - that I wanted - that I cried - that I was sorry. You looked right at me, knowing - wise somehow, and assuringly said, "It's ok now because I can get in your bed every morning, and you can love on me - and I can love on you." and you were right. Why have I let one week of not holding you overshadow four point five years of holding you? I have long wondered how God would heal these hurts - not take them away, because I want to remember - but who, what, where, when would He use something or someone to take away the sting? Then, the other night with you, for the first time it was ok, the whole thing was actually for the first time...ok. I love you Evie Bear, and I thank God for giving you to me!

P.S. We've been practicing doing Evie's recital hair, that's what these picture are. She is very proud of it :)