Life as Usual?

It's a little strange to think about trying to get back to life as usual. I'm trying to, but I'm really distracted by grief and a little guilt (Why guilt? Not really sure.) On Monday, Mom and I went to Georgia to be with William, Katie, Maisie, and Liam, and to attend Baby Henry's visitation. This week has been hard. This week I saw a box for a baby. This week I loved on a lonely mommy. This week a lonely mommy loved on me. This week I cried myself to sleep. This week I've had a headache everyday. My family is missing a baby boy that many of us did not have the chance to meet, but we do miss him. We know we would have loved him (we loved him already). My grandmother told me the other day that she found herself crying on the diaper isle in Publix. I find myself longing all the time for Henry to be in a diaper instead of a box, I keep forgetting that he's actually rejoicing with Jesus. I guess this is all a grief thing - the longing, reasoning, aching in my head. I just want it to ease, especially for William and Katie. It's so weird to have grief mixed in with everyday life, the juxtaposition is a bit much for me to gracefully balance. I don't want to admit that we did something fun yesterday, or that I'm busily planning for the holidays, but life and the grief are coexisting just the same. My blog may be awkward in the next month or so as I get back to posting about life, fun, projects, little girls, etc. So just hang with me please, and know that my head is a jumble of the usual and the heartache.

P.S. Happy little reminders of Henry have been popping up lately in the most unexpected places. I found this Henry necklace accidentally (but while intentionally shopping of course). You can find it at Lisa Leonard Designs. Also, be sure to go to Portabellopixie's blog to register to win a Lisa Leonard gift certificate along with all of her other fun "12 days of Christmas" giveaways. There - my first attempt at a good ol' "Megan" conversation - I did it.