Grief

I'm holding on to You

although my grip is week

but Yours won't release

... Yours won't release

~Shelly Moore Band~

This summer has been a season of grief for us, we've been surrounded by people that we LOVE who are HURTING. Not just little hurts either, but hurts of the unbearable sort. About six months ago, I stumbled on a blog written by a woman who lost her 3 year old daughter Ava, as the result of a tragic accident. I mourned over her story for weeks, to the point that I stood over my children as they slept and wept uncontrollably. I prayed for Ava's family faithfully for months. I carried a huge sadness for these people I had never met. I wondered why God had lead me to a story that made me feel so miserable, why did He put me in that place? Why? If I had only known then what this summer held for our loved ones... I needed to learn about grief over others, He wanted me to.

We lost our friend Ben at Easter. Ben lived with Cystic Fibrosis for all 21 years of his life. While we know he is alive and healthy with Jesus, his passing stung so badly. I have cried so much for his family.

In July, I sat in the ER with my sister in law while she had a miscarriage. Ben and I mourned for our Sister and Brother, I wept over their baby. Our hearts were raw.

Shortly after, our friend Pete had a cardiac event that has currently left him in a vegetative state. I've been close with Pete and his family since their kids were babies. In these weeks following the onset of Pete's illness, I've spent a lot of time with his daughter Emily. Emily has been a blessing to have in my life and in my home. I have so treasured the time that she has spent with us, I love her, I hurt for her, I pray for her, I weep for her.

Ok, God I have learned about grief, it's all around me. I have cried myself to sleep for weeks. Thanks for that blog, by the way, it helped me to prepare for this. Good lesson, we're done here right?

No. It seems not.

Carry me please, Father. My arms are reached out begging. My pride may finally be dwindling, I have a heart that hurts, I have tears that keep coming.